Age and Wine; I do not understand!

So dreams are the thing about, they are constantly reflective of my thoughts. I turned a year older about two weeks ago which would be a great thing if it was not such a scary thing. I am now facing my dreams and hopes and they are almost laughing in my face. I should be ecstatic; I have a job that is deceit albeit I hate it. A thing for laughter. All my best laid plans are stuck on paper and everyone is saying things come slowly and I am thinking that may they need to speed because disillusionment and disappointment are extremely fast runners.

A year and I am still not where the road am taking is leading me or maybe the possible destinations of this journey is what is scaring me. Did someone say something about the road less travelled! Scary as hell but I think he was right, it might just be the right one.

Do i follow my dreams or live in reality? A question that i wish I could definitely have an answer!

Perfectly Butchered

So I am having a recurring nightmare that i will one day wake and realize, I am out of time! A friend of mine says that, in chasing a career and a stable life we should not forget that in the end the legacy we leave are, the children. I actually do not dispute that but, in my nightmare I can not seem to find a logical way to achieve this. I think it reflects my life. I am starting out in a career and i can not take care of myself as yet so commitment to a child will be almost impossible. I know that if you have a child, you work it and learn how to commit and manage but, I like plans. I want it to be something i can handle not something i have to handle. And i am big on the horse goes before the carriage; I am big on marriages so bummer!

I want the opportunity to do this my way. I want my career to take off then lets us do the family and work on it from there! Am i to ambitious for wanting that?!
I do not think so. In this time of hard economic times why should i not place myself in such position to be able to take care of myself and my family. I am traditional but i do not think starving is the way to be in touch with your roots!

I have eyes i see how women who depend fully on their partners are left with nothing when he decides to throw you out. Or worse women are forced to live in constant fear of a major disease because their husbands can not keep in their pants. They can not leave because they have no other option! I do not want to ever be stuck! So i am going to slow it down and work it my way.

Hopefully the Lord helps me out there!